They Have Mass At Night, Right?
I’m considering letting Jebus into my life.
What’s that you say? Level headed, logical, sane, reasonable Becky is going to give it all up and become another mindless moron suckling at the teat of the Pope?
Maybe.
See last night something happened that is making me wonder if my atheistic lifestyle of excess chocolate, socialistic (snicker) views on medicine and brightly coloured toenails is why my life sucks so hard right now. Let’s recap the last four months, shall we?
June: No television and the fridge died.
July: The dryer died.
August: The car… erm, died.
September: The stove imploded.
Okay so maybe you can add “prone to exaggeration” to my above list of faults, the stove didn’t really implode, or explode or even catch on fire. It did shoot off electric arcs, though and that was pretty scary.
I was sitting in the living room with Katie when it happened. I’d thrown some mini pizzas into the oven late last night, I haven’t been eating very well lately because I’m on an antibiotic and it’s messing with my sense of taste and my stomach. Anyway, sitting in the living room, Katie, shit went down, right.
Suddenly the lights started flickering in and out rapidly. There was a popping noise coming from the kitchen. The stove was sending out electric arcs and the fuse didn’t blow. The stove is easily one of the bigger deathtraps in your house, there’s a lot of electricity in there and if something goes wrong then you’d best run the other way.
Unless the fuse box happens to lie in the direction of the stove, then you should run that way. If ever anything fucked up should happen to your stove, just go to your fuse box and pull the stove fuse. Mine is large, black, square and it has a silver handle on it, check and see which one is yours and what it looks like.
The ass you save could be your own.
So here I sit with no dryer, no TV, no car, no stove and a suicidal computer. I’m a basically good person, I don’t steal, cheat, lie (much) and I’m usually pretty nice. Sure I might mock the odd fat person, christian, The Duggars and anyone else I deem mockworthy, but I’m not cruel or malicious so it must be the atheism.
I’m going to be Catholic, I think. Mostly because my grandfather was and because you have the power of the Irish and Italian mafias and the pope behind you. With peeps like that you can’t lose!
(I think…)
